Love is the Problem

I got a request to update my blog, and I have to admit that I'm nervous about it. I'm going to have to admit things that I'm not proud of. Things that I preach against. Things that I allowed to happen even though I should know better! After Thanksgiving, things were going great with No Name Man up until about a week before Christmas. I invited him to my work holiday party. Now, my place of work is like a family, and everyone had been wanting to meet my man for a very long time. He confirmed, so I RSVPed as "2." Long story short, the morning of the party a work thing came up for him, and he didn't make it. In his defense, it was important to him, and he did try to squeeze it in. However, my bigger issue was that we had been dating for almost a year, and he hadn't met my closest friends!!! I voiced my opinion to him, and he said he was going to make it up to me. I left for Christmas, and he did stay in contact throughout my vacation. Things were looking promising;) Before I left, I told him to keep the weekend of the 3rd and 4th open because it was my birthday weekend, and that he was going to meet boat loads of people:) On the 3rd he did come to dinner and met a couple of my friends, but he brought his friend with him. When he asked if his friend could come, the first thing that entered my mind was that this meant his friend would have to be told that No Name Man and I were seeing each other. One would think that a man's closest friends would know the woman their friend had been dating for about a year. Well, the last time I saw No Name Man's friend (about a month prior) he asked me on a date:/ Anyway, dinner went well. No Name Man is a very good talker:) Then, him and his friend went to work, and thats the last I saw him. He did text me "Happy Birthday" on the 4th, and he wished I would have told him that it was my birthday before! WTF!!!! The whole night my friends were asking where he was, and I just responded with "working" and changed the subject because I promised myself that he wasn't going to ruin my birthday!! I was feeling ok about the whole situation, until the fiancé of one of my best friends called me over. The fiancé said "Look into my eyes. I will not forget this. I am not happy with him." Thats when it hit me like a box of rocks. I would have never stood him up on his birthday! Actually, I secretly found out where he was staying on tour, had the spa in the hotel find his room number, and had them call to tell him that he had a massage waiting for him! Days of planning, so it all happened on his birthday! I get a text message:( And this is all after he was going to "make it up to me." You know what they say…actions speak louder than words. I know how he operates, which is why I know he thinks he has done nothing wrong. However, because I've been the relaxed, cool girl, I've made him think that this is ok with me. I've tried to be ok with his "operation," but obviously, I don't think I can be:( Love is the problem…I love him when I'm with him. He has so many qualities that I LOVE in a man!! However, the bottom line is I don't love flying solo when I'm not. I don't love feeling like the secret just because he believes that relationships last longer when people don't know your business. Well guess what? That makes me feel like he isn't proud to stand beside me!!! I've heard it all before: You deserve better! Its all about timing! If its meant to be, it will be! All I know is that I'm tired of ALWAYS making 20 cookies! I'm tired….so tired!! xoxo Kiki