I Guess I'll Call Him Mike

Well, I finally met him. I couldn't really think of a good name, so I'm just going to call him Mike. He invited me over to watch football at his apartment, which I find so funny. I mean come on. I have never met this man, and he wants me to come to his place. With that aside, its hard enough to be on a "blind" date one on one, but this would be one on who knows how many. After I explained why I thought this was a bad idea, he apologized and agreed that coffee was a good idea. He agreed to meet me during the morning football games, which gave him a few bonus points;) Coffee was nice. Conversation was easy, and I would say balanced between the two of us. I can't say there were any sparks, but I'm not sure if I believe in everlasting sparks. I mean the attraction spark I believe in, but in my experience, these sparks are exactly that, just sparks. They burn out just as fast as they ignite. I think through all my dating, I have realized that as long as I'm not repulsed by a man's appearance, I don't need the drop dead gorgeous man. I want the man who I can grow old with. The one that doesn't need me to talk because he knows exactly how I feel from my presence. These qualities have nothing to do with how tall he is or the color of his eyes. This being said, Mike was physically attractive, but his demeanor was more attractive.

Since our coffee date, we have text a few time (because that is the world we live in...the texting world). Here is where I get discouraged. Our last conversation included him asking about my show I had this week. I told him the information and told him he was welcome to come if he wanted. I didn't make it sound pressured. I just answered his questions very openly. Of course, he didn't show up. This isn't what bothered me. First, I was slightly disappointed that he didn't just text to tell me he couldn't make it or say good luck. I mean he was the one that asked for the details. Then, I became semi stalker girl and found out that during my show he had logged onto Plenty of Fish website. So instead of coming to my show, he was scouting for new chicks...nice huh?!?!? This was the moment I decided to "hide" my profile! This means that I won't show up in any searches, but I won't vanish from any one's inbox. I don't want it to look like its because of any one man because it isn't. Its because of all the men that have walked through my life in the past two and a half years. I'm tried of all the bull shit to the point that my heart hurts a little.

I realized the other day that to an extent I have been living my life waiting on this dream guy. For example, I have been thinking the next time I move it will be when I find the right guy, and we have decided to take that step. FUCK THAT! Why should I wait for someone that I don't even know exists??? I know I am tired of paying rent, and I want to eventually buy. I can do this by myself! This is my life, and I only get one chance to live it. Why wait? Yes, finding the right man and making a family has always been one of my goals. However, it isn't the only goal! I have to start living my life in the moment, and doing what is best for me right now!

Well, here goes dating in the real world! No more picture slide shows of potential dates. I won't know if they smoke or do drugs. I won't know their height or their longest relationship. I guess I'll just have to find that out the old fashion way;)

Wish me luck!
Kiki

Or On The Couch I Stay

Well, maybe writing before the date wasn't such a good idea;) He got called into work and had to cancel. He did it very nicely, so I can't really be upset. However, I have to say that I was a little let down though. Putting things into perspective, I have only typed things to him. I have never seen the man or spoken to the man. He owes me nothing, and I have canceled on a man before when a gig came up. NO man that you have never met before is worth putting before your career. I guess he feels the same way. We have talked since then...no mention of a second attempt, but I'm just going to let him deal with that:)

I will keep you all posted, and if I ever get to meet him, I will give him a name!

Night!
Kiki

Trying Something New

I have been writing this blog for about a year and a half now, and I have never written a blog before a date. Well, that is until today! I have a first date planned for later today with a gentleman that I have been talking to on Plenty of Fish. His first email was entitled "Midwest Values." Most Midwest people that have moved to LA realize that other Midwest natives can spot each other from a mile away. It isn't the way we dress or walk. Its just our demeanor...the way we were brought up. Yes...our values! This gentleman (which I don't know what to call him yet) contacted me while I was still seeing the last guy. However, there was something about his emails that I couldn't ignore. They were straight forward, but not too serious. I found myself writing exactly how I felt, which isn't common when you first meet anyone. You normally are putting your best foot forward and holding back a little wheather its because you are unsure or you want to build suspense. I do feel very comfortable with him, and I haven't even met him yet...silly right??

I don't really know that much about him, just the basics. He is from the Midwest and works in production. He loves college football, which I think is great! I want a man that is into sports. I never thought I'd say that, but since I have lived in LA, I've noticed that masculinity is hard to find sometimes. Back home, masculinity is defined with sports. My response is....BRING on the Monday Night Football!!!

Even though I have been on so many first dates, before each one, the wonderful possibility that this time could be the ONE runs through my mind. I know the chances are rare, but I do try and think positive. I have been thinking about taking my profile down for awhile to see if dating in the real world could actually happen. However, my gut told me to give this guy a chance before I took that step. So here goes....wish me luck...out the door I go!

xoxo
Kiki