I Guess I'll Call Him Mike

Well, I finally met him. I couldn't really think of a good name, so I'm just going to call him Mike. He invited me over to watch football at his apartment, which I find so funny. I mean come on. I have never met this man, and he wants me to come to his place. With that aside, its hard enough to be on a "blind" date one on one, but this would be one on who knows how many. After I explained why I thought this was a bad idea, he apologized and agreed that coffee was a good idea. He agreed to meet me during the morning football games, which gave him a few bonus points;) Coffee was nice. Conversation was easy, and I would say balanced between the two of us. I can't say there were any sparks, but I'm not sure if I believe in everlasting sparks. I mean the attraction spark I believe in, but in my experience, these sparks are exactly that, just sparks. They burn out just as fast as they ignite. I think through all my dating, I have realized that as long as I'm not repulsed by a man's appearance, I don't need the drop dead gorgeous man. I want the man who I can grow old with. The one that doesn't need me to talk because he knows exactly how I feel from my presence. These qualities have nothing to do with how tall he is or the color of his eyes. This being said, Mike was physically attractive, but his demeanor was more attractive.

Since our coffee date, we have text a few time (because that is the world we live in...the texting world). Here is where I get discouraged. Our last conversation included him asking about my show I had this week. I told him the information and told him he was welcome to come if he wanted. I didn't make it sound pressured. I just answered his questions very openly. Of course, he didn't show up. This isn't what bothered me. First, I was slightly disappointed that he didn't just text to tell me he couldn't make it or say good luck. I mean he was the one that asked for the details. Then, I became semi stalker girl and found out that during my show he had logged onto Plenty of Fish website. So instead of coming to my show, he was scouting for new chicks...nice huh?!?!? This was the moment I decided to "hide" my profile! This means that I won't show up in any searches, but I won't vanish from any one's inbox. I don't want it to look like its because of any one man because it isn't. Its because of all the men that have walked through my life in the past two and a half years. I'm tried of all the bull shit to the point that my heart hurts a little.

I realized the other day that to an extent I have been living my life waiting on this dream guy. For example, I have been thinking the next time I move it will be when I find the right guy, and we have decided to take that step. FUCK THAT! Why should I wait for someone that I don't even know exists??? I know I am tired of paying rent, and I want to eventually buy. I can do this by myself! This is my life, and I only get one chance to live it. Why wait? Yes, finding the right man and making a family has always been one of my goals. However, it isn't the only goal! I have to start living my life in the moment, and doing what is best for me right now!

Well, here goes dating in the real world! No more picture slide shows of potential dates. I won't know if they smoke or do drugs. I won't know their height or their longest relationship. I guess I'll just have to find that out the old fashion way;)

Wish me luck!
Kiki