I don't know where to start... I don't know how to start... I don't know if I should start... Basically, I am just starring at an empty screen trying to figure out how much I should tell my readers. Do I just tell the basics? Or to I tell them everything I have been feeling just to have to tell them later that it was a false alarm? I mean I thought Alan was "the one" and look how that turned out! I have been writing about every man I have been on a date with in the past 2 years. I highly doubt any of them would have agreed on these dates if they knew what I was doing. The focus of this blog is not the men; it is my journey! I want my experiences, insight, and dreams to help others who are in my shoes. I have never intended on hurting any person, or disrespect them in any way!!!
Throughout this blog, I have learned that I will always be alright because life goes on. Don't get me wrong, coming home to a man every night to help keep me warm would be amazing, but a heater and blankets can do the same thing;) No man changes who I am, and who I want to be! He should just be my number one fan. Maybe I should start a fan club so its easier for me to find him. I have also learned that one should never stop their life in any way. If a man truly wants to be apart of your life, he will find a way to fit in it! Also, NEVER sit around waiting for him to call! Your time is important, and respect for your time is even more important! In my online profile, I stated that the two main things I am looking for in a man is support and respect. Doesn't seem like I'm asking for much...but I am! Putting someone other than yourself first is hard because there is a potential of getting hurt. I'm asking men to do the one thing I haven't been able to do since Ben. I want to do it, but I feel like once I open myself up...they vanish. Great love takes great risk! Slow and steady wins the race. Just keep swimming...just keep swimming! I keep repeating all these things in my head, and I know that one day he will waltz into my life!
I just don't know.........when.
xoxo,
Kiki
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Weegie Board Dilemma
I have to go back to sophomore year in high school for everyone to get the full affect of this situation. My good friend Lee and I decided to play the Weegie Board in his basement…two days before we got confirmed I might add. Well, at the time, I just thought that Lee was moving the cursor, but some answers stuck with me. We asked the spirit who Lee was going to marry, and the response was Sarah from Iowa. Guess who Lee married???? Sarah from Iowa!!! At the time, we didn’t know a Sarah from Iowa. They are divorced now, but he still married her! When we asked the spirit who I was going to marry, he replied with Sam from LA. I had never even thought about moving to LA at that point in my life, and I didn’t know a Sam. As years passed, the joke became that I had to go to LA to find my Sam. During the years I was with Ben, I had pushed the idea of Sam to the back of my mind. However, I have never forgotten about what the higher powers told me about my dream guy. Since I have started this online dating, I have had a false alarm when it comes to my weegy board man. One guy told me his middle name was Sam, and then of course, my heart skipped a beat, and I started looking at him in a different light. This light made him do no wrong even though he had no idea how to treat a lady. Ever since then I have been trying to forget about names in general.
This leads me to the next guy. I found his profile online. He stood out for several reasons. He looked like a man from my past, which means I was very attracted to him. Plus, he sounded like he was very career focused like myself, and he talked about his family! We talked through emails for a couple months, and I was right…we had A LOT in common! The problem was I couldn’t get him to tell me his name. He wouldn’t sign his emails, and he wouldn’t answer when I asked. After about 2 months of exchanging emails, the mystery man finally signed his name….Sam! Of course his name was SAM! I tried to not let it go to my head, but it was hard. Then we gave each other our phone numbers, and he called me! He didn’t text; he called! Sam also followed through on everything he said he would do. These types of guys are hard to come by these days.
Since both Sam and I had crazy schedules, it took awhile to actually meet each other. We finally made time to meet for coffee. I have had enough first dates to know a bad one when I have one. This one was not bad!! It was very enjoyable! I can’t say there was sparks like with Shane, but I liked what I saw and conversation was great! It felt like the feeling was mutual. I guess I can’t read men at all…haha! I text a few days later, and Sam replied. After that, no more replies☹ I guess I didn’t light his fire, and this proves that a name is only a name. I’m finding it hard to find the right balance in a man. My close friends now that I make myself busy because that is how I function best. I know this also gives me less time to think about what my life lacks. I want this drive in my future companion, which Sam had. However, he lacked in the “making time” category. I know that if I want to see someone I will make it happen!! There is always time in the week to fit people you love into your life! Sam was so wrapped up in his day-to-day life and goals that he needs that spark for him to take a time out from the reality of his life. We just didn’t make each other want to stop and smell the roses.
I guess God wanted to prove the Sam Dilemma wrong, so I wouldn’t over look the right guy just because his name wasn’t Sam! Let me tell you…it would have made an excellent story though!!
On to the next one, and who knows maybe it could be “THE ONE.”
Xoxo,
Kiki
This leads me to the next guy. I found his profile online. He stood out for several reasons. He looked like a man from my past, which means I was very attracted to him. Plus, he sounded like he was very career focused like myself, and he talked about his family! We talked through emails for a couple months, and I was right…we had A LOT in common! The problem was I couldn’t get him to tell me his name. He wouldn’t sign his emails, and he wouldn’t answer when I asked. After about 2 months of exchanging emails, the mystery man finally signed his name….Sam! Of course his name was SAM! I tried to not let it go to my head, but it was hard. Then we gave each other our phone numbers, and he called me! He didn’t text; he called! Sam also followed through on everything he said he would do. These types of guys are hard to come by these days.
Since both Sam and I had crazy schedules, it took awhile to actually meet each other. We finally made time to meet for coffee. I have had enough first dates to know a bad one when I have one. This one was not bad!! It was very enjoyable! I can’t say there was sparks like with Shane, but I liked what I saw and conversation was great! It felt like the feeling was mutual. I guess I can’t read men at all…haha! I text a few days later, and Sam replied. After that, no more replies☹ I guess I didn’t light his fire, and this proves that a name is only a name. I’m finding it hard to find the right balance in a man. My close friends now that I make myself busy because that is how I function best. I know this also gives me less time to think about what my life lacks. I want this drive in my future companion, which Sam had. However, he lacked in the “making time” category. I know that if I want to see someone I will make it happen!! There is always time in the week to fit people you love into your life! Sam was so wrapped up in his day-to-day life and goals that he needs that spark for him to take a time out from the reality of his life. We just didn’t make each other want to stop and smell the roses.
I guess God wanted to prove the Sam Dilemma wrong, so I wouldn’t over look the right guy just because his name wasn’t Sam! Let me tell you…it would have made an excellent story though!!
On to the next one, and who knows maybe it could be “THE ONE.”
Xoxo,
Kiki
Friday, July 8, 2011
Long Time No Talk
Sorry that it has been awhile since my last posting, but my life has been a little crazy. It’s a good crazy, but still crazy nonetheless. I’m actually in the airport on my way home for vacation. This is the first time I’ve had a chance to even think about writing.
Anyway, I’m a couple men behind, so bear with me. I hope I can remember all the juicy details☺ Here goes…Jessie approached me on Plenty of Fish. He was one of those profiles that didn’t stand out, but seemed like a good guy. Attractive, but without the WOW factor. However, the WOW could happen in person instead of on the screen, so that doesn’t matter one bit! At the beginning of the week, we made plans to meet on Friday evening for coffee. Jessie got extra points for two things. First, he called…yes called…the night before. The texting thing is getting out of control, but he had the guts to actually talk to me! Plus, he was willing to drive to me! Things were looking good until the day of the date. I didn’t really want to go. I just wasn’t into it, but I would never stand someone up for no reason. My gut was telling me to save my time and energy.
It started with Jessie getting stuck in traffic for about an hour, so I walked around stores that I didn’t need to be in☹ We had decided to meet at Coffee Bean because I had told him how much I like it. However, when we finally met, he wanted to go to a different coffee shop. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a snooty girl, but I just found it interesting that he wanted to veto all my research on a location right when he first met me. Plus, the best part was his outfit. Jessie was wearing jeans and a t-shirt…totally fine. However, he had a flannel shirt tied around his waist and bandannas wrapped around his arms. At first I didn’t know what he was trying to pull off, but then he stated that he was a painter. All the fog in my brain lifted!!
I have to say that he knows how to treat a lady (besides the whole location thing). He opened doors, made it perfectly clear he was paying, and walked me to my car. Jessie was just way to intense for me. In a way, I believe that my story wasn’t dramatic enough for him. He went on and on about how hard it was for him when he first moved to LA. He even went to the point of eating Ramen for a month…haha! I totally get it, but I also believe that if one focuses they can get through anything! I don’t know, maybe my face actually showed what was going on in my brain…I have to watch out for this sometimes;) At the end of the date, it was one of those awkward good byes that we both knew that we weren’t going to call each other.
It’s weird, but these types of dates give me a feeling on contentment. I mean I’m trying, and I’m putting myself out there, but I know that it isn’t right. I guess its contentment in me knowing myself. A contentment of knowing that I will be fine no matter if I find “him” or not.
Xoxo,
Kiki
Anyway, I’m a couple men behind, so bear with me. I hope I can remember all the juicy details☺ Here goes…Jessie approached me on Plenty of Fish. He was one of those profiles that didn’t stand out, but seemed like a good guy. Attractive, but without the WOW factor. However, the WOW could happen in person instead of on the screen, so that doesn’t matter one bit! At the beginning of the week, we made plans to meet on Friday evening for coffee. Jessie got extra points for two things. First, he called…yes called…the night before. The texting thing is getting out of control, but he had the guts to actually talk to me! Plus, he was willing to drive to me! Things were looking good until the day of the date. I didn’t really want to go. I just wasn’t into it, but I would never stand someone up for no reason. My gut was telling me to save my time and energy.
It started with Jessie getting stuck in traffic for about an hour, so I walked around stores that I didn’t need to be in☹ We had decided to meet at Coffee Bean because I had told him how much I like it. However, when we finally met, he wanted to go to a different coffee shop. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a snooty girl, but I just found it interesting that he wanted to veto all my research on a location right when he first met me. Plus, the best part was his outfit. Jessie was wearing jeans and a t-shirt…totally fine. However, he had a flannel shirt tied around his waist and bandannas wrapped around his arms. At first I didn’t know what he was trying to pull off, but then he stated that he was a painter. All the fog in my brain lifted!!
I have to say that he knows how to treat a lady (besides the whole location thing). He opened doors, made it perfectly clear he was paying, and walked me to my car. Jessie was just way to intense for me. In a way, I believe that my story wasn’t dramatic enough for him. He went on and on about how hard it was for him when he first moved to LA. He even went to the point of eating Ramen for a month…haha! I totally get it, but I also believe that if one focuses they can get through anything! I don’t know, maybe my face actually showed what was going on in my brain…I have to watch out for this sometimes;) At the end of the date, it was one of those awkward good byes that we both knew that we weren’t going to call each other.
It’s weird, but these types of dates give me a feeling on contentment. I mean I’m trying, and I’m putting myself out there, but I know that it isn’t right. I guess its contentment in me knowing myself. A contentment of knowing that I will be fine no matter if I find “him” or not.
Xoxo,
Kiki
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