I would say in the big picture that I call my life I am a fighter! I am a hard worker, and if I truly want something, I will not stop until I obtain it. (I'm pretty sure I owe this to the farm girl in me.) However, I've realized that this fight in me only comes out when its "things" I'm trying to accomplish.
The past month I have gotten to this place where I have no desire to try and make people want or feel something. If they cannot figure this out on their own, why do I want them in my life anyway? I want a man to realize who I am, and actively try to be a part of my life. I'm so tired of trying to incorporate men into my life when they are doing jack shit on their end. Maybe its because I was making it so easy for them to do the very least...well...I'm over it! I just got a pair of "bitch" sunglasses (my friends tell me), and I'm going to WEAR them!
Is this another form of "flying?" Another form of coping? I haven't written about one man. I don't want to. I can honestly say there is no drive to put his story on the screen. I don't want to give him a fake name. I don't want to over analyze his every move...and mine. However, I can tell you that every ounce of my being wants to run like hell from him! When it started, I just kept telling myself that I was fine before him, and I will be fine after him. It was my way of protecting myself. I was hoping that if I just kept blowing off the whole situation that nothing would really affect me. News flash; I'm a woman and everything affects us ;)
This past week I keep getting the comment that "I am a catch." I think I need to wear that phrase for awhile, and let it sink into my skin! Its days like today when I start to think that its never really going to happen:( But...then I'll wake up tomorrow with the fairy tale ending refreshed in the front of my mind. Well, at least that is how I normally function.
xoxo
Kiki
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