"The Bitch Vibe"

I realized something the other night at the bar. When I'm bartending, I do one of two things. I either have this "bitch vibe" about me, which basically, tells men to not even try. Or...I ignore because I don't want them to know I'm interested. I have been wondering why I don't get numbers at the bar. Its because of the way I act. Most of the time its probably a good thing because I believe you shouldn't shit where you eat. However, there are those select few gentleman that I just can't figure out why I can't get them to try and initiate contact.

The other night it became so clear! A gentleman sat down right in front of where I was working. As I looked up to see him, I think I hesitated for a second because I was stunned by his appearance. However, before I even asked him what I could get him, the first thing that ran through my mind was that he was probably the biggest douche bag ever. Now I realize that this is just an excuse to not try...not get rejected...not put myself out there. Once he opened his mouth, he proved to be an intellectual gentlemen. Then, the craziest thing started to happen. I found myself wanting to talk to him more. I started to flirt back; I started opening up. I can't even remember the last time I put myself out there at the bar. The whole time I completely felt in control, but I knew I really was completely not in control of how that night would end. Would he walk out of the bar and I never see him again? Would I give him my number? Was all he wanted was a booty call? No control what so ever!!! My rule that I don't date anyone from the bar is to avoid this feeling. However, if I don't allow myself to feel this way, there is no chance to ever find "him."

I want to stand out in a crowd to the one I end up with...however, if I don't show interest how will he know that I even know he exists? Its just as hard for him as it is for me! He gets rejected just like I get rejected! Moral of the story...I NEED to let down my wall and realize that I can survive any man no matter what happens.

Gotta love dating!
Kiki

PS...He gave me his number!!!!!!!!!!