I Called Him Out

Before I started writing this blog, I hardly ever told a man that I was dating exactly how I felt. I was a pleaser, and I made it seem like everything was always fine on my end. It seems so wrong on so many levels. However, I know that many women do this:( This blog has helped me find my voice. Don't get me wrong, its still hard for me, but I'm not afraid of rocking the boat anymore.

Ever since Bruce brought up the kid conversation, he took a step back. I thought we were getting back on track when he picked a mini disagreement with me. So, I called him out! I told him that I thought he was afraid, and I knew the exact moment it happened. Of course Bruce was intrigued, and wanted to more about my "theory." I told him that ever since the kid conversation things changed, and I asked him if he could deny it. He said he couldn't but it wasn't because of my answers. To make a long story short, Bruce announced to me that he can't have kids. After explaining that I wasn't falling in love with his sperm count, Bruce agreed to stop pushing me away. He was so surprised that I wasn't walking away; I guess most women do once they find out. I look at it this way; I have dated almost every kind of douche bag in the last 3 years, and I'd much rather have no kids with an amazing man than multiple kids with a really bad man.

Things went back to normal for a few days, but now I feel like I'm back to the wondering game. I'm wondering what he is thinking, wondering what he is doing, wondering if he is thinking about me, wondering how I came off. I HATE wondering...life is too short to wonder!!!! I would rather be single then hold back and wonder!!

Maybe its me and my baggage, but I just feel like he is on the verge of peacing out. The last few days I have found myself thinking about how I would feel if I never saw him again. I prep myself so the actual blow doesn't hurt so bad. I don't want this to happen, but my wall is trained to go up whenever I sense danger I guess. There are so many things I would miss about him. The long talks we have, the gentleman that he is, the way he holds and kisses me, the way I feel whenever I get a text from him, playing rummy, his smell, his cleanliness, his calmness are all fine qualities of this man! However, I truly believe that no man should make or break a woman! He should only make her stronger than what she already is!

I will keep you all posted...don't you worry!

Night! xoxo
Kiki