Couple Cookies Short of a Dozen

I have been putting off writing for awhile because once I do, I know its real. Once I put it out into the universe for all to read, and I have to deal with reality. For the past month, Bruce has been not putting near enough energy into our relationship compared to the first month and a half I knew him. The nice girl in me has been telling myself to give him a break because he is in limbo right now...with career and family, etc. However, this last week I couldn't just sit back anymore:( After he canceled our plans for about the 3rd week in a row because he re-sprained his ankle, I called him out (in a funny way) that yet again he couldn't come see me. He proceeded to get an attitude even after I was changing my plans to come see him with remedies and told me he didn't want me to come. Me being me, I drove all the way out there to leave ice, wraps, etc in front of his door. I walked back to my car and text him to open his door as I was driving away. All I got was a "Thank you. I got it." Followed by 3 days of no communication. The next time he text Bruce apologized by saying "sorry for being silly." Now, I call it something else, but I forgave him anyway. However, the next week when he stopped talking to me again for no reason made me open my eyes. I asked Bruce if I could tell him my cookie theory when he got a free moment. (PS the cookie theory came from an amazing woman that I know, so I can't take credit for it) He was nice enough to stop what he had been doing for 3 whole days to listen;) I proceeded to explain that every relationship takes 20 cookies to succeed. Each person should bring 10 cookies to the table. However, if a man only brings 8 cookies, the woman always brings extra so there is always 20 cookies. I told Bruce that I REALLY wanted him to have 10 cookies, but I was running out of batter from making all those extra cookies:( Bruce responded saying that he didn't know if he was ready to have 10 cookies, and that maybe I should start looking for someone who already had 10 cookies. He didn't want me to waste my time on him when I could be looking for someone with all ten cookies. I AM TIRED OF FIGHTING FOR THE MAN. I shouldn't have to try and make him see how much I love him or how great I am. He should see it for himself and NEVER want to let me go!!! I don't want someone who can just watch me walk out of his life without a fight. There are so many things I will miss about Bruce, but in moments like these, I tend to cling to all of his negative traits just to get through. I will save gas money and travel time. I might actually get to have my own baby:) Even though I have been trying to remind myself that he just can't give me what I want and deserve, I keep going back to that first month with him. I remember one day he asked me if I was always going to be this nice. I guess I should have been asking him that question instead. Everything happens for a reason. My mom told me once that I shouldn't cry over things like this because I am a good person, and I will fine a good person:) Easier said than done, but I know I will get through this. I've done it before! And the blog keeps going.... xoxo Kiki