I Just Need to Stop

I need to stop giving so much. I have to stop trying so hard. I have to stop making excuses. I have to stop holding onto the positives. I have to stop forgiving so easily. I have no doubt that Bruce cares about me. I also have no doubt that Bruce cannot be the man I want and know he can be. I'm not sure if he is just too selfish or he just doesn't like me enough...the verdict is still out on that one. The idea of being with a man that has his shit together makes me smile. I don't want to be the fixer anymore. I could be putting all that energy towards so many other things in my life (like one of my 4 jobs...haha). After the last blog, I think he has went back and forth at least three times. One day he is all up in my business trying to figure out how we can work this out. Then, the very next day he states "I think I am holding you back." (I am adding stability to my list of must haves in a man;)) For instance, two nights ago, he is figuring out when he can come see me and talk. We were discussing if that night or last would be better schedule wise with both of us. We determined that last night was best, but guess what? No text, no call, no show last night:( I don't deserve that!!! I know I am always the last to see that a man is no good for me (when I like him). I'm a late bloomer; what can I say? Looking at this in a positive light, I feel it was good for me to see a loving side of a man again. It had been awhile. Bruce is a very kind and gentle man, but just doesn't know how to be IN a relationship. Bruce has taught me that race means nothing, and if its right its right. Then theres the topic of babies. I want them, and deep down I knew he didn't. I thought that when time came for that part, he would love me enough to be open minded about it. He got a vasectomy for a reason. He doesn't want to be a dad. I want to be a mother, and be married to someone who is father material. I wish him all the best, but I need more than what he can give me. Bruce...if you ever read this, I love you! Good bye! Kiki