Too Late

There have been two guys in my life that have just missed the boat when it comes to me. The first one was in high school. We were friends first, and the moment I started to look at him in a different light, I introduced him to my two best friends. Of course my friends played him down, but then both dated him within the next year. Instead of looking at any of them in a negative light, I thought that I wasn’t special enough in his eyes to stand out from other girls. It just wasn’t right. I few years later after he had dated almost every one of my friends, my mom said something that wasn’t occurring to me. She said that he was just trying to get closer to me. Sure enough soon after he confessed his interest in me. I love this man from the bottom of my heart, but by the time he told me, I wasn’t there anymore. I have to admit that I would have way back in high school. He just missed the Kiki boat. Well, it has happened again. Lets call this guy Mike. I met Mike 4 years ago, and I was in no spot of even thinking about any male in a romantic sense, but we became friends. There was a moment about 3 years ago where I thought maybe we could be more, and I was trying to keep an open mind about it! Mike is a good man that would do anything for me. However, the moment I started looking at him differently, he hooked up with my friend. My brain went right to “I’m just not stand out enough for him.” I moved on, and I can’t look at him in a boyfriend way. Well, now he is single and trying pretty hard. I have to admit I’m getting pretty uncomfortable, and I don’t like it because Mike use to be the guy that I could tell anything to. He was the person that I could chill with and never worry about the funny business. Now, I don’t think I can be in a room alone with him. Why does it have to be this way? Why can’t we all be friends??? Haha Kiki

Ashamed

I have been avoiding this blog, and I finally asked myself why. Well...I haven't been completely honest with my readers. Months ago I stated that Bruce and I were over. Well, guest what? I'm a dumb girl! I have done so many things that I have advised against. Things that have made me take 10 steps backwards, and I want to come clean!! I believe that Bruce is a wonderful person, which is why I think I have been hanging on to the idea of what he could be. I think we have broken up and gotten back together about 20 times since the last blog I wrote about him:( No more excuses!!! I am ashamed of the way I allowed him to treat me. I would forgive so easy and quickly. Plus when I think about it, I shouldn't have to be forgiving that much (if at all) at the beginning of any relationship. I don't want to accuse him of all these hurtful acts. I know he thinks he has done nothing wrong because he is so focused on figuring himself out. I need someone that is capable of caring about another individual besides himself. Someone that can put me first....at times:) I have heard that when someone is in love with another it has to run its course. One cannot force something to be over before they are ready. I just wasn't ready before, but now I feel like I am. I am grateful to Bruce because I hadn't felt that way about a man in a LONG time and got the same feelings back:) He gave me a taste of what I can have. The problem with Bruce is I would only get a bite very three weeks. I want 3 full meals every day of the week!!! And the blog continues:) xo Kiki