Nothing To Lose

For the past two plus weeks, I have been keeping everything with "No Name Man" very light and casual. Now that I'm thinking about why I was doing this, I realize I felt like if I got serious on him, he would walk away. I wasn't ready for that. There are so many things that I don't like about our relationship. For example, I never see him before 10pm ever, and most of the time, its after 1am:( I get it; our schedules allow this to be ideal. However, I want to see him in the day light too!! He is living his dream, which makes free time rare. Actually, its not about free time because everyone has some. Its that he isn't making me a priority. Also, we don't do anything in public. We cook or watch movies. I know our jobs make being home rare, so it is nice to just chill sometimes. However, I'm feeling like we are hiding. I was trying to be chill the other night, but I hit a wall when he walked out of work without saying goodbye again. If I meant anything to him, he should say goodbye! When I confronted him, he said that there was too many people around. More like to many people to see that there was something between us. When I wouldn't let it go, he said that he wanted to keep it cool for both of us. "Cool," thats what you call not letting any of your friends know you are seeing a member of the opposite sex. I learn something new every day!!! He proceeded to cover his tracks by claiming that it was my place of work, and he wanted to respect that. I don't understand how saying goodbye is disrespecting me???? This is when I explained the cookie theory to him. During my explanation, he kept asking how many cookies we both were giving. I told him it depended on the day, but the most he had every given was 5, and that I normally love making cookies which gets me into trouble. He told me that he had a long way to go, and I congratulated him on understanding the cookie theory!! I got to the point where I believed that I had nothing to lose. I want someone who has the ability to bring 20 cookies to the table. Not that they have to because I want to do my share, but I want them to be capable to do so!! I don't want to make extra cookies anymore. I want someone who will call me just to tell me about their day, or better yet, lay beside me each night and tell me about it! I want to be the first person they think about when they wake up each day and the last before they fall asleep at night. If he can't even say goodbye to me, I'm not sure if we are on the same page. Bottom line is that I want more than what he is giving me, and now he knows it. Lets see what he does with it.... xoxo Kiki