Thoughtful

I was told tonight by someone that a REALLY care for that I wasn't thoughtful. I want to punch something right now. All I do is think about the people I love. I think about how to make them feel like they are special to me...how to value their presence. All I want is the same respect back. I know I am PMSing right now, but I'm tired of always being the person putting more effort into all and any type of relationships. As I'm wiping the tears from my eyes to see the screen, I know this feeling just has to run its course. It doesn't mean that the person saying these down right mean things needs to be over looked. I know many different things could be at play here. Maybe they are stressed out, but not matter what no one that obviously cares for you should be spoken to in this way. I need to step back for a moment and make myself feel special and valued! FUCK YOU!! Thanks for listening to my rant!!! xoxo, Kiki

My Heart

In the past month, I have thought a couple times about how my life would be without No Name Man. It always begins with me stating that I would be FINE!! I'm independent, strong, determined, and I don't need a man to completely me. Then, I think about how I feel every time I lay eyes on him. Its almost been two years, and my heart still skips a beat. I remember how he makes me forget about all my troubles and just be in the moment. How he can make me laugh at a drop of a dime. How I know he would be lost without me too. After contemplating many factors, I realize every time that he has my heart. I'm not going to lie...it freaks me out! This is probably why I asked myself this question in the first place. I'm trying to find a reason to run. No more running!!! I surrender my heart because I can't imagine my life without him. Yes, our relationship is not perfect. He is gone a lot, and he works soooo hard. However, this is why I love him! My neighbor just moved out of a two bedroom apartment, and my manager is in the process of cleaning it for the new tenant. I checked out the unit today just because I was curious on how it was laid out. As I'm walking thru it, it was the first time I actually thought about living with No Name Man. Don't get me wrong, we are not ready for that and I have learned my lesson about living with just anyone! However, I walked out of the apartment very happy. I see the future with him in it. Hell it could be in 5 years, but I feel like one day it could happen! Its silly I know, but my gut said so....and I've learned to listen to my gut! Thats all for now:) xoxo Kiki