Since the entire human race is deathly afraid of rejection, facebook has yet again became the chosen route of communication. After over two weeks of nothing from Alan, the key pad broke the silence. He apologized for always being inconsiderate and said he was "finally doing something about it." The first thought that came into my head was "blah blah blah...bullshit bullshit bullshit (with an English accent)." Then, against my better judgment, I asked him HOW he was "finally doing something about it?" Of course the girl in me wanted him to say that he had to change so I wouldn't get away. Then, I realized that I wasn't playing the lead role in my own personal chick flick movie that I call my life. His response was so much better...he is seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. Alan is apparently depressed and sad and is using alcohol as a coping mechanism. Maybe my mom is right...I can sure pick 'em. Why do I always see the potential? I mean...yes I noticed that this last run he had built a wall up around himself that even persistent me couldn't get through. I noticed how the one day we both had free he was too hung over to see me. And yes I noticed how he had no desire to ACTUALLY see me. Why wouldn't I think he was my dream guy...I mean really?!?!? I guess I'm crazy too!
Moral of this whole experience...FUCK potential! I don't want to be "the fixer" anymore! I want a man that is pre-packaged and ready to be opened! Someone that is willing and able to support me, instead of me trying to get them to let me into their world. I need them to work at being apart of my life. After all, I am TERRIFIC!!!
xoxo,
Kiki
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