My Worst Enemy

I am completely afraid to fall in love. The idea of it is amazing! The excitement of what could be...well I could dream about this my whole life! I had this realization today why God gave me my two main jobs. I'm a wedding coordinator, so I see couples that are SOOOOO in love almost every day. When it comes to the grooms, I find it fascinating how they are more "in love" than the brides. I watch them in amazement, and I wonder where those men come from and how I can find them. Then, I teach children how to dance. Every week I am surrounded by children that love me. I get to watch them grow while teaching them a wonderful art form. Both of these things are elements that I don't have in my personal life. The two things I fear that I will never have, so maybe God gave them to me in a different form. I keep reminding myself that it is just not my time, and one day my patience will pay off. Patience...well that is a perfect word to describe what I have learned with No Name Man. I know this road is two way, and I completely admit that I have flaws as well. However, he operates in a very unique manner. I sense that he has a hard time trusting and completely letting people in. But I have a very difficult time telling him exactly how I feel. I'm afraid that if I say my true feelings that he will walk away, and I'm realizing how much that would affect me. I know that it shouldn't matter because if he truly cares for me, words wouldn't run him away! Plus, he has proven to me more than once that he can handle my opinion. He has always made effort to improve the things I have spoke up about, but the problem is the stuff I'm not talking about. Don't get me wrong, in the last month things have been improving with our communication. This may be the reason why I'm freaking out! I think I'm trying to find reasons to run because I love him. The fear isn't about being in love its about getting hurt. I tell my students that if they are going to mess up to mess up BIG. The same can apply here. If I'm going to get hurt, I should get hurt BIG! In other words, I should let myself love him with all my heart because I have never heard of a half broken heart;) This back and forth battle with myself makes myself my worst enemy! xoxo Kiki