Olivia Pope

When I watch Scandal I get so caught up in the character of Olivia Pope that I feel like I am her! I am in love with a man that I can never be with. I am fighting so hard to not want him, but in the end, he is all I want. She knows her worth and that she deserves more than what he can give her, but she can't stop loving him. Now the difference is that the President loves her back!!! Today I realized that I love No Name Man and all I ever wanted from him was for him to love me back. I don't need things or dates. I just want his heart. Olivia Pope never has to fight for his heart, which is why all the viewers want them together. I don't even know what it feels like to not have to fight for someones heart. To be in a relationship that the man wants to be in more than I do is just hard to imagine. To have my partner consider my feelings before he makes decisions would be amazing! However, this is what I do all the time. Since my brain was been running circles the past few weeks, I feel like God as been throwing random people in my audio range. Last night, I heard two friends discussing relationships. The gentleman said "being single is hard and being in a relationship is hard. The goal is to find the person that you can get through the hard with." It seems so simple, but that is HARD to find! For being in a relationship, I feel pretty alone. He is never there. I know I am very independent, but I even need support sometimes. Someone to just hold me, and tell that they believe in me. (Someone other than my mother) No Name Man is a good man. I just want him to step up, but deep down I know he isn't ready to step anywhere but in the direction he has been going for the past year and a half. I asked him for a favor today. I asked him to not talk to me for a week and really think about what I am to him. I told him I wasn't trying to be a bitch, but I was asking because I was confused. I want him to think about if he wants to live without me in his life. I know myself, and once I walk away, there is no going back. I want to be Olivia Pope and The First Lady all wrapped into one!!!! xoxo Kiki