Can You Teach An Old Dog New Tricks?

Sometimes I wonder if a person really can change. I believe that everything happens for a reason, so do we really have control over anything? I think that our entire life is already mapped out for us. God gives us choices to make us feel like we are in control. However, he created us, so he knows every path we will choose to go down. So the next time you are teetering back and forth on a big decision, take a step back and just relax. Deep down you know what direction you need to go! But…I don’t know how the word “change” fits into this belief?!!? For example, if you are trained to respond to a certain situation in one way, how do you go against your instincts and change what has been happening naturally for such a long time? How do I teach myself to stop waiting for the guy to peace out? I’m not saying this is the male’s problem…it very well could be me. I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I know I come off as a very independent woman that has her shit together. I don’t believe I come off cocky; I just have goals, and I’m working towards them! From this whole dating experience, I know I am capable of conversing with any type of man for at least an hour. Don’t get me wrong, I have felt like I have been wasting my time before, but there is no reason why anyone should be treated rudely. Anyway, maybe this “shit together” thing scares them away…or the way I don’t hop in the sack with them…or once I start showing interest the chase is over…or the fact that I’m the marrying type. I am fully prepared to take full responsibility for why they peace out on me like its just as easy as changing their underwear. I would just like to know the reason(s)!!!! I have repeated to myself several times how if they are not stepping up, they aren’t the one for me. I know my worth, and I know what I deserve!! I refuse to settle ever again!!! I just want to know two things. #1 How do I stop myself from thinking they are peacing out? #2 Why am I attracted to all these men that peace out? Of course all of these comments are directed towards Alan. We text all last week after seeing each other twice the weekend before, and now, he has pulled the classic MIA routine. My heart tells me it isn’t over, but I don’t know how much longer I can play the role of the cool chick that is fine with no contact for over a week. Then, I start to build my wall back up. I start telling myself that I was fine before him, and I’ll be fine after him. The problem is I don’t want an after!!! But…I can only give so much without getting anything in return. I’ve lived through that experience before, and I have chosen to never live through it again! I have really put myself out there for this man!!!!!!!!! I did it different this time, and I am proud. However, since I have more invested, its also going to hurt more. I guess feeling pain is better than feeling nothing at all…plus, my choreography always excels with heartache. Anyway, the bottom line is if he really wanted to be with me, he would be sitting right beside me right now! I’ve been fighting for him for awhile now, and I know I’m not done. What can I say…I’m a fighter!

Maybe I just need a timeout….I know I do very well as a single person. All of my dreams and goals sky rocket because I focus ALL of my energy on them. Maybe that is why Alan became a ghost…I am suppose to bring the focus back to me. This also tells me that the blog should never stop for a man!! I’m sorry, but I want my readers to know about the good and the bad aspects of every man I encounter. (as well as my positive and negative qualities) If he truly loves me, nothing should change his heart….including a blog! As a result, “Thanks For The Wink” will live on….and on…and on (haha). I want a happy ending. I want the girl to get the amazing guy. Why wouldn’t I want that?!?!?!? Anything good is worth waiting for, so I will continue writing until I find it. Then, my book will be a must have for all people who are looking for that special someone.

Stay tuned for many more entries!

Xoxo
Kiki