What is This Really Worth

Well, I officially have a problem. However, it's a problem that I want to have if that makes any sense at all. I don't know if writing this blog is worth possibly upsetting the man of my dreams. When I started writing months ago, I did it because I needed a way to self-medicate my dating insanity. Plus, I just had this deep need to share my feelings with my readers. Don't get me wrong, I still love to write, but it has changed. I don't know if this change is because of how I have grown or because of this wonderful man I met. Either way, it feels good! I realize that Alan is still new, and every relationship has no guarantee. He just feels "right." We saw each other twice last weekend, and I just can't get enough of him!! I love the way I talk, and I know he hears me! And...I WANT to listen and learn more about him, which I have found to be so hard for me to actually feel. Then, to top it off, physically he keeps me wanting more. It's hard for me to be completely physically attracted to someone because its so much deeper for me! It has to do with trust, respect, comfort, support....he is building all these things, which makes him a real man! Anyway, I have been battling with myself to see what I want to do about this blog. The first thing I thought was "if he wants to be with me, it shouldn't matter." Then, I reversed the roles. What if he was writing about me?....?... I believe that nothing I have written so far would offend Alan in any way. He might be a little freaked out that I think he is "the one," and I stated it after our second date (a little early in some peoples' eyes). However, I don't want to cop out, so the future blogs could hold details that he doesn't want revealed. Now, remember, the blog is primarily about me, but Alan will be a big part of me if things go the way my gut says they will! I have a girlfriend that writes a blog that is related to dating, and she says that the blog will stop for nobody. I'm not as hard core I guess because if I had to choose, I would pick Alan in a heart beat! Even though I really had my heart set on publishing it, I would much rather lay my head next to his for the rest of my life:)

For the time being, I think I'm just going to chill out. Don't worry...I'll let you know what I decide!!

xoxo
Kiki