Sometimes I Hate It When Friends Are Right

I have to admit that I do have some of the greatest friends on the planet. For starters, there are the high school friends that I’ve reconnected with in the past few years. I’m realizing they felt the same way about issues that I thought I was alone on back when we were in school. For example, I hated (and I mean hated!!) this one girl that made my life a living hell. Well, it turns out she made everyone feel that way, and she robbed the local gas station…classy, I know! I could never forget about my farm friends…we all grew up together, which means we all have the same values. No matter how long we haven’t seen each other, it feels like we never skip a beat. Then, my college friends are the most amazing people in the world!!! They stood beside me when I was trying to figure out whom I was, and no matter what I did, they accepted me for me. These are the people that love me enough to let me experience things, but still voice their opinions when needed. Finally, my newly found LA friends are more than I could have ever imagined. I believe that since we are all going through the same thing, we just know what each other needs. We have become each other’s family!! Basically, I am blessed with the presence of such outstanding people in my life. I realize that since I let them in to see the real me that they form strong opinions about any man that I even think of incorporating into my life. I want the man I’m with to be able to get along with all these different groups of people. The more I think about this the more I realize how hard that is to find!! Since I am a farm girl that moved to the big city, it’s hard to find a man that can relate to both of my worlds. I have no doubt that he is out there though!!

Anyway, back to the topic at hand…Alan. Before I went home for a week vacation for my parent’s 35th Wedding Anniversary, I actually told him how I felt. I use to hold everything in with Ben because I was afraid to talk about my feelings. That fearless quality I had way back with my first love, Brian is finally resurfacing! I told Alan that I wanted him to be in this, but it has been one sided for a while now. Then, I called him a douche (because of the last blog)…I was blunt to say the least. He agreed that he has been being selfish, but the bottom line comes down to what he is willing to put into “us.”

While I was home, my best friends husband mentioned Alan. I told him that Alan needed to get his shit together. This amazing man responded with “no guy should have to get his shit together for you. He is already done in my book.” I hate to admit it, but he is right! I’ve always had this ideal in my head that the man I marry will WANT to be with me just as much as I WANT to be with him. I should never have to beg him to come see me or wonder when he is going to text back or be worried that I’m bugging him too much. None of these things could occur if it’s right. I want and need him to include me in his every day life, but I’m not sure if he is capable of that. I think he is more afraid than I am, which tells me that I have grown soooooo much in the last year and a half! Alan was hurt pretty bad, but he has to remember that I am not her!!!!! I have no idea what the story is, but maybe he is just not ready for the amazing package known as Kiki Roberts!!

Xoxo,
Kiki