Walks in the Ghetto

For about the last two years, I have found comfort in my little walks in my "ghetto" neighborhood. The sidewalks aren't even or straight for that matter. The houses are run down. There's dog crap everywhere. Since nothing is perfect in this part of town, I feel more myself here. I can let down my guard and just be. Back when I first moved in after the big break up with Ben, I walked all the time. Many of those walks included tears; I was trying to figure out what I had been thinking for the past two and a half years. Why I put myself with Ben...feeling inferior...just waiting for him to see what I had to offer. Now that I think about it, I waited a lot for that man. I'm tired of waiting! I'm tired of wondering when it is going to be my turn! I just got back from one of my little ghetto walks, and I realized that I'm letting the same thing happen with Alan. He makes it sound like he is actually trying to put effort into making us work, and he plans on coming to see me all weekend long. Then, he backs out of the first day, but not without a five minute speech about how important his job is to him. I play the understanding girl...which I have become a pro at!! Alan states that he would come down on Saturday morning and stay through Sunday. Well...its 4pm on Saturday, and there has been no word from the "promising" Alan. Maybe this is Gods way of telling me to STOP! I've been fighting for awhile now, and maybe it's time to admit defeat. I've been going after what I want, but it doesn't help when "the want" doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. I truly believe Alan is a good man, but since I pushed him to want more in his career, I basically can only blame myself for the lack of want in his personal life. And let me tell you...I need a man to WANT me! Sometimes the element of timing just sucks donkey butt!!! But then again, both sides have to be willing to sacrifice...that part is hard to come by in my case!!!

Now that I had my little pity party, I'm going to get ready for a night on the town! Just because Alan can't get his shit together doesn't mean that everyone else can't enjoy how amazing "the girls" are looking! LOL

xoxo,
Kiki