Let Go, Let Flow

I watched this movie about a week ago called "Something New." The one line that stuck with me was "Let Go, Let Flow." A group of single girlfriends went out on Valentine's Day, and they all decided to live by this quote. The more I think about it the more it makes sense! I have to remember I can't control everything, so I have to loosen my grip on life and let it take its course. This letting go thing is pretty difficult for me, but I know it has to occur before I'm going to allow Mr. Right to even enter into my world.

That being said...I think I might have screwed up:( Shane has been nothing but upfront with me this whole week. We had made plans to hang out last night, which I was extremely excited about! Then, of course I get pretty sick, and I let Shane decide if he still wanted to see me even though I was on antibiotics. He said he was still up for it, but then he pulled the I'm not feeling good card. My first response was sure we can reschedule; deep down, I know I can't make a man do anything he doesn't want to (and why would I want to anyway). We proceeded to text all night long about him standing me up. It started in a playful way, but now that I think about it, I felt like Alan was happening all over again:( Finally, this morning he called me out on it, which I deserved! Shane wanted to know why I was giving him so much crap about this? It made me stop and look at myself!! I realized that I was trying to push him away before he walked away:( That is fucked up!!! I am fucked up!!!!!! I'm not ready to have another man walk away from me right now...maybe that means I'm not ready to cast my line back in the water yet. However, then I think about being my complete self with a man. Yes, most of the time I am the "cool" chick, but I do have my crazy moments. My crazy parts are apart of me too...the man I spend the rest of my life with should be able to handle those moments too! Maybe its good he saw this part of me...if he doesn't bolt, he could be a keeper!!

Well...still no response from Shane, and I've decided to give him some space! I apologized and admitted I was wrong; I can't do anymore! I have to leave it to a higher power;)

xoxo,
Kiki