I Guess I Know Nothing

This past week I have realized that even though I have learned so much about myself in this last year of dating, I know nothing about men in general. There are no rules or guide lines. Its all about luck and timing and fate. The idea of me "trying too hard" has crossed my mind several times...I'm sure you all have thought this while reading about my adventures. However, I always come back to what one puts into their life is what one gets back. I've always wanted to put effort into finding the right man, but lately, I feel defeated in a way. After Shane, I stated how all I wanted was a man with his shit together. Well, the next two dates I got just that! In my mind, Baxter is an actual adult and gentleman. I don't see myself with him, but he has his "shit" together! My last coffee date was with Justin. This man presented himself as a man with various business obligations...and he had is "shit" all slapped together...haha! The back side to this was that he made me feel dumb. I hate saying that, but his knowledge base was nowhere near mine. Plus, I don't feel the need to learn about his knowledge base...its just not important to me. I know I could have made him feel the same way by talking about my areas of expertise, but Justin is also the type of guy that controls where the conversation goes. In other words, I think I was unclear about what I wanted! I guess I want more than a man with his shit together...that is just one quality that I am looking for!!

Another thing I have been thinking about is this blog in general. Maybe this blog is what is holding me back... Maybe pouring my heart and soul out onto a screen is only keeping me from the man of my dreams... Maybe the love of my life will not want to be written about... I have been writing about every date I have went on in the last year. What do I have to show for it? Yes, I know more about impressions, presentation, what I am looking for, what I am not looking for, etc. The bottom line is that I haven't make it past a second date. I believe that I am great, and I am looking for that greatness in my partner. None of these men have shown me anything close to this!

I have to rethink this whole blog. Where do my priorities lie? I want to thank all my readers for sticking with me, and I'm not saying its over. I'm just saying I need to take a moment and figure out how I want to proceed. (This could be just burn out from the dating scene;))

Until the next time,
xoxo
Kiki