Quarter Life Crisis

Remember the saying “I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” I feel like every day I wake up with a different subject and level of importance to my life. There are certain experiences that need to occur to allow ourselves to survive in this world. However, when one really thinks about what is important to them, most of these experiences rank extremely low on their list. For example, going to the bank or getting groceries are tasks that don’t even come close to telling your grandpa you love him before he passes away. I’m looking at the big picture these days, and so many things I do in a single day bear no importance on what I truly want out of life. Then, on top of that, each day (depending on which side of bed I wake up on) I shift my focus. One day all I want is to find my true love, and give him all of myself. Then, the next day I realize that I could do anything I want with my life! I could start a whole new career, which starts the whole self-improvement topic that doesn’t incorporate the opposite sex at all! But wait…the next day I consider how this could be my last day on earth. How do I really want to spend it? Who do I want to spend it with? Have I been wasting all this time typing when I could actually been spending time with the love of my life? When it comes to my career, I have always believed that if I wanted something all I had to do was go get it. I’m determined, and I don’t give up easily. For some reason, I am the opposite when it comes to men. I normally don’t go after what I want; I want them to see me as something worth fighting for…so I wait for them. WRONG!!! If I can’t fight for them, why should they fight for me?! Plus, I have to remember that no matter what the outcome is, I’m still going to be Kiki Roberts! I will be no worse off than I am right now. In some ways, I will be a better individual just because I took a risk and opened myself up!

Alan prompted all of this thinking…of course. I haven’t verbally talked to him in about two weeks, and no communication for a week. I know he is busy and focused on his new career, but I also know that time with me is a privilege, not a task! Plus, I have never had to second-guess my gut before, and it has thrown me for a loop!! My gut tells me to fight though, but my brain is telling me to run. Running is what I’m use to…why can’t I have it all? All I have to do is stop, get a good base, and start throwing punches!!


xoxo
Kiki