Take a Deep Breath and Listen to Yourself

Sorry I haven't written in awhile, but several things have happened in my life that have allowed me to see things a little more clearly. I find it amazing how we don't allow ourselves to let things "click" until we know we can handle them. In these past two weeks, I have experienced boat loads of emotions, but I am grateful for every single one of them!

Where to start...lets go back to my second date with Alan. I have trouble putting the way I feel towards him into words. It sort of feels too big to put into words, and so smooth that there aren't any edges to grab onto...if that makes any sense?!? When people ask about him, I don't know where to begin, but I also feel like there is no end. This feeling is bigger than me, but I love experiencing every second of it!! Our second date consisted of me driving to his place of residence for a day date. It was exactly what I wanted. We walked around, got some lunch, and ended up on his couch watching the Discovery channel all afternoon long. It seems like we both value each others opinion and advise. I know I do his, but he actually hears me! I know this is suppose to be normal, and I have been working on this part of me for the last year and a half. I have a voice, and I'm finally using it. Plus, he wants to hear it!! I just love being in his presences; I find complete contentment just seating beside him. Don't get me wrong, I am attracted to him, but I know that will be there when we get there. Alan might not be on the same page as me on this subject, but I want to do it the right way this time. Get to really know him, and him me before we add that into the mix (a little kissin' wouldn't be bad though...haha). Anyway, during our second date, I received a phone call telling me that my grandpa had passed away. Alan was wonderful; we talked about grandparents for about a half an hour. He let me talk it out, which was exactly what I needed! I believe I needed to be with him when I found out...I needed to be with a strong, caring individual.

My grandpa is another example how life is too short. Don't waste time doubting the way you feel or the things you want...just take a deep breath and listen to yourself! Everyone knows exactly what they want at any given point in their life. We all just need to stop and listen to it! I want to love a man with every ounce of my being, and BE with him for as long as humanly possible. Every moment I spend searching for him is one less moment I get to spend with him. My gut tells me that I found him! Whenever, I start to doubt it, this feeling in the pit of my stomach kicks in, and I know it's true!! All I have to do is keep my walls down and believe in my gut! No one wants to be hurt, which is why our walls go up. What we forget is that if we don't take a chance, we can't achieve anything. I know I am guilty of this as well. Alan makes it easy for me to realize that when my walls want to come up, it has nothing to do with him. Walls exist because of past experiences, not present! Alan isn't the past...he is the present (and future!)

xoxo,
Kiki