Biff, Bucky, and of course....Mr. Ten

I am almost caught up, so I'm going to do it all at once....since at the current moment, I am not at all scared about getting caught up. I actually feel excited about it!!!

First, lets finish the Biff story. I was hoping that it was just a mutual feeling...about not being the right type for each other. But of course he text 3 days later. Oh the good old "3 day rule." I didn't respond since I was working, so he HAD to follow up with another text the next day saying his ego was being hurt. Since I need lessons on how to be straight forward when its going to hurt someone, I just blamed it on work. He was happy with the response, but I never text back....he got the hint, and stopped as well. I need to learn how to tell a guy that he is great, but not great for me without hurting his feeling. I hate being in that position, which maybe is why I haven't dated a lot. I know I completely dislike men that keep leading me on and never tell me this useful piece of knowledge. I must stop that cycle on my end!! I think that Biff came into my life to teach me this, and I thank him for that!!

Now on to Bucky...basically, I just wanted my stuff back!! I completely take the blame for leaving it, and I have learned my lesson! He had three things...my cheese cake pan, my Golden Girls DVD, and a plate. The way I looked at it was the pan and DVD could be replaced, but the plate was the big thing! One of my very best friends left her grandmother's dishes with me when she moved to NYC, and losing that plate meant the set wasn't complete!!! After about a month of random texting from both of us, I finally decided I just had to go over there and get it. I went by myself...I got myself into this mess, and I needed to get myself out of it too. Bucky had gotten hurt at work, and he was on work man's comp. When he finally answered his door (shirtless), he played it off like he was out of it from the pain medication. I guess he needed to cope with the fact that he had to see me again in some way, and it actually made me feel even more mature. Once I got my stuff, I told him to have a nice day and walked out of his life forever...it felt good!! Once I got to my car, where it was only me...no one was watching...this feeling of not being wanted rushed over me. I feel like he didn't care enough to even tell me why he acted the way he did...I didn't effect him at all. I didn't touch him with my presence. I know everyone is dealing with there own demons, so I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but I am! I haven't figured out what I was suppose to learn from Bucky, but I know he has made me stronger!

Finally Mr. Ten!!! After the first night we met, the ball kept rolling! Throughout the next couple of weeks, he became this person in my life that I looked forward to talking to and seeing. We had an adult conversation about taking it slow and actually getting to know each other before it got physical. Mr. Ten started this conversation, which made me extremely happy since I have this two month rule when it comes to the bedroom. I figure that if a man sticks around for two months without gettin' any, they are in it for more than just sex. I know that my heart doesn't handle men that peace out after I open up and give them the biggest part of me...my body. I can't do this until I know they want all of me (my heart, body, and soul). I know its deep when you think about just starting a relationship, but I'm at a point in my life where I want to find my husband and father of my children...not just some guy I want to roll in the hay with. Anyway, Mr. Ten challenges me in ways that I love. He brings up issues like this without hesitation, which forces me to talk about them. I found myself not being afraid to state my feelings on the issue!! I think in the year and a half that I have been single I have broken the habit I formed with my ex when it came to not speaking my mind!!! Or maybe its just Mr. Ten...he makes me feel like I can!

Things with Mr. Ten were going great. We were taking it nice and slow, and I wasn't caught up in wondering if I was doing everything right. We were just going with the flow! Then, one day I was walking in the mall with a friend when a man walked by holding his one year old son. This picture popped in my head of me holding my daughter, and Mr. Ten walked up to us and hugged us both. Right then it hit me that I have never looked at any of the men I have dated as potential fathers, until now! At first, it just made me smile, but then I started to freak out. This means that I actually like Mr. Ten, and with that comes the potential of getting hurt. I know I tell my friends all the time "great love takes great risk," but it doesn't make it any less scary! This was also about the time I started to over analyze everything Mr. Ten did. I need to chill, and tell him how I feel. After all, he is the one that isn't afraid to bring up big issues right?!?! Well, wish me luck. I just have to remember I didn't name him Mr. Ten for nothing!!!!

xoxo
Kiki