Heres the truth!!

I'm just going to tell you all everything that is going on in my brain right now!! So I started the blog about 2 weeks ago after I went on my third date (with a "match" man). I knew I needed this to cope with all my emotions/rejection that was surely to come. To tell the truth, I am completely scared to get caught up in my blogs! Once I have told all my stories, I have to go on more dates!!! I know that's the whole point of match, but I have many issues with this at the current moment. For starters, I know I am picky!!!!!! I log onto match, and no one really is standing out. Then, I think to myself..."it doesn't matter; it will at least be a story." Deep down, that isn't me though! I don't want to go on a date with just any random guy just for a story. There has to be something there....something that I am drawn to...right?! Then there's the feeling of starting over. Every time I read a new profile, I feel like there are miles and miles of BS to swim thru. I mean I read my own, and I know there is so much more to me. It has to be the same for everyone! However, you are trying to look your very best for the people who are reading it....so of course you are only going to hit the high points. I know it isn't suppose to be easy, but I feel like I am sinking in a pool of shit!

I am also aware that I'm not the kind of girl that jumps from guy to guy. I know its only a date, but in a way I feel like I'm cheating on all these men. Think about it...lets say I go on a date with guy #1 on Friday night, and it goes great! We plan to have a second date, and we say good night. However, I already set up a date with guy #2 on Saturday night. I'm already going into my Saturday night date with the feeling of cheating. I know it's just how I'm wired, but it gets to me. I keep reminding myself that this is who I am, and I don't want to be any other way! I am a faithful/loyal person....and that is who I want to be!!! Maybe I just have to focus on one guy at a time in order to stay sane...haha!

Then, of course once I sign up on match, I meet a wonderful man through friends. The couple that basically introduced us, I completely trust! They know the REAL me,and they have been there for me throughout this roller coaster ride that I call my life. They never told me anything about this wonderful gentleman that I am going to refer to as Mr. Ten. However, they informed him in a way that let him decide if he actually wanted to talk to me. Since I have realized that the only way I'm going to meet men in this city is through the internet, Mr. Ten found me on facebook ;) After messaging for a week, the couple planned a group gathering where we actually met! At first, Mr. Ten wasn't sure if he could make this gathering, but he was going to try. I have a confession to make....ever since I was in junior high, I have had this ability to sense when the man I am interested in, enters a room. It could be a room with 5 people in or 500, but I can just feel his presence. This only works for men that I really like, which is why it freaked me out. I saw Mr. Ten when he was clear across the room (which was packed). No one in our group knew he was there, and he was obviously trying to find us with not much success (haha). I haven't experienced that for over a year, so you can imagine what my insides were going through! Once Mr. Ten made it to the table, I actually felt like we all were in junior high. The couple that thought of this "match" were beaming and winking at me...haha. I have to hand it to Mr. Ten for keeping his cool and just being himself. Even though we didn't stay much longer after Mr. Ten arrived, we did manage to incorporate some good conversation. Don't worry, there will be more blogs about Mr. Ten...I am sure of it!! However, I have to rewind a bit next time...sorry for the confusion. I just needed to clear my head!!

xoxoxo
Kiki