Everything happens for a reason...so I hear!

Right about the time I wrote the last blog, I started seeing classic "peace out" signs from Mr. Ten. He kept using the line "lets talk soon." If you want to talk, flippin' talk to me!! He kept using the excuse that he couldn't see me because he didn't trust himself not to get physical. How can someone get to know someone if they never see them? And in the words of my good friend, "he needs to get over his boner and be a man." He didn't call when he said he would. I'm big about following through. If you know you are not going to do something, then don't even say it!!! As a result, I wanted to throw something huge at him to see if he could hang. I decided to send him the link to my blog and explain to him why I started it. I told Mr. Ten that I wanted him to read it from the beginning. My gut told me he should find out from me, and let me tell you, the one thing I have learned in the last year and a half is to follow my gut!! He responded two days after I sent it with a nice email stating he was honored by what I wrote about him....and of course that we should "talk soon" ...hahaha! Well, soon for boys is about four days, and that's only because he was leaving for a month on vacation.

During this week of Mr. Ten being MIA, I started thinking about why I only focus on the good traits a man has at the beginning. I mean no person is perfect, and there are always going to be qualities one dislikes. For some reason, I ignore them until its over and, then, they all come flooding out. Well, my gut told me to think about them earlier this time. I don't like how Mr. Ten crosses his legs. It makes me feel like he is less masculine. I don't like how a huge part of his life is focused around God. Don't get me wrong, I talk to God everyday, but that's between me and God. I don't like how Mr. Ten is an actor. I promised myself after the ex that I would never do that again. However, I just keep going back to "them," and their selfish ways. I don't like how he puts a time limit on me. He could never be around me for too long...like I might crack the code to his safe. I don't like how he can stop a text conversation in mid question, and two days later text like he never stopped talking. Am I "that" important to him? Of course there are things I loved about him too. I loved how he wasn't afraid to talk about anything. I loved how he made me feel like a lady. I loved how I finally found a man that actually "fit" on my couch. I thought about all this because I was preparing myself for the bad or the good. I was trying to protect my heart since no man in my life has done that for me.

Anyway, Mr. Ten and I spent all day trying to connect. He wanted to talk about where we stood before he left town. To sum the conversation up, he doesn't see us going any further (another one bites the dust). Of course, he said he wouldn't change anything about me, and I responded with "I wouldn't either." And that's the honest truth!!! Why wouldn't any man want a woman who wants to share her whole self with them? Isn't that the goal...to find someone that is a witness to your everyday life....that loves and supports everything you do! I want to be angry at him, but deep down I know that he wasn't willing to be the man I want and deserve. He is just a boy that is trying to figure out what he wants and deserves. I've been through that, and he saved me so much energy that I can put towards people and things that actually want my love. Mr. Ten did however break my curse of the "2!" I only knew him for five weeks!! Plus, he made me realize that I am ready for the real thing!! I told my friend today that maybe the vision of Mr. Ten walking up to hug me and my daughter had nothing to do with him. I think it might have to do with me being ready for the "real deal." Plus, who really wants me to stop writing this blog...hahaha!

God knows what he is doing...everything happens for a reason. Look at it this way...the man of my dreams can thank Mr. Ten for letting this one get away!

Well, on to the next wink! I already have a lunch date tomorrow...if you fall off your bike, get right back on right?!?!?!

xoxoxo
Kiki