The One I Haven't Talked About

I realized the other day that I haven't mentioned a certain man from my past. I pride myself in telling my readers the truth about my life, experiences, and feelings, so I had to figure out why I haven't written about him. There have been four males in my life that have gotten the privilege to be let into my heart. Brian, Ben, and Bo...but I left out the one between Brian and Ben. He is the only one out of all four of them that I still communicate with on a pretty regular basis, and I know if I ever need anything, he would do anything he could, no questions asked. However, I have steered clear of writing about him because I am ashamed of my actions.

Lets call this man Cheetah. Where to start...how about the beginning. I met Cheetah when I was least expecting it; I met him at a dance convention in college. 99% of the men there were gay, so it was the furthest thing on my mind that weekend. To make a long story short, Cheetah swept me off my feet! It's hard for me to put into words. He made my heart skip a beat!! For the next month, we talked all the time. It was the good old days of IMing, so I was on the computer with him every night. It was about a month into getting to know him when Cheetah informed me that he had a girlfriend from before he met me. Now, if I would have stopped the whole thing right then and there, I wouldn't be ashamed...not one bit! However, I do believe that because of the whole Cheetah ordeal I have learned when to just STOP. BUT...I didn't stop for about three and a half years. I could tell when I was the other woman and when I was the only one around. I just kept thinking that one day he would realize what he could have with me. To this day, I still don't think he knows the real me, but he never really wanted to, which was hard for me to swallow.

Yes, I am ashamed because you all know me as this woman that tells it like it is, but I wasn't always like this. Cheetah helped a lot with me being this way! I have to thank him for that even though at the time, it hurt like hell. However, I wouldn't have changed any part of this story because I know I don't belong with him. I always wanted my first lover to be apart of my life until the day I died...well, my wish was granted! Cheetah...I know you will read this one day. I just want you to know that I will love you until the day I die, and I want to thank you for everything you have taught me through the years!

I believe every person comes into my life for a reason. This reason may not be the one I wanted it to be, but it always turns out to be better than I ever imagined!


xoxo,
Kiki