I can honestly say that I really have never thought much about Valentine's Day....good or bad. I remember that both years with Ben ended up with me giving a gift, and Ben forgetting:( He always said he would make up for it, but nothing ever came of that either. Yeah, I had a boyfriend, but the first Valentine's Day I spent after Ben, was WAY better than both with him!! A bunch of us girls went to "He's Just Not That Into You" in the theater with Cheesecake. No one let me down!!!
With Bruce, I didn't want any material thing. I just knew I wanted to be by him. I just can't get enough of him!!! We started the day with me watching him play basketball (which he is amazing at). Then, I had to work, but we decided to cook and watch a movie. He showed up at my door with a single red rose with a note attached to it:) The moment I say the note a wall went up. I tried to not show how it affected me because I was trying to figure it out in my head first. My brain was going a mile a minute trying to realize why I was reacting like this. Then, it hit me! Ben broke up with me two times via letter. He use to write all the things he hated about me, and what he wanted me to work on...blah blah blah. Once I took a moment to remember that Bruce is NO WHERE near the person Ben was, I opened the note. It was beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to give you all the juicy details, but I will tell you that I will keep this "love letter" FOREVER!!!
We cooked salmon, and had a wonderful meal! Then, we finished the night watching Cars 2; a man after my own heart! Finally, I fell asleep in his arms, which is the best place in the world. That was a little cheesy, but oh so true!
Stay tunes!
Kiki
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
One month of Perfection
As many of you know, I am way behind on my entries. I have to apologize, but I have been a little busy to say the least:) Its been a month today since I met Bruce, and people say I "beam" when I mention his name. I have realized that I have NEVER been treated correctly by a man. One may ask what "correctly" means? Bruce treats me like a human being and is actively involved in my every day life. Crazy...but I had forgotten what being in a relationship actually felt like. I am not afraid to text too much or call at all or see him for the 2nd time in one week. You know why...he wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with him. Its equal effort on both sides...give and take!! Yesterday, I asked him if he had ever felt this way before. I wasn't even looking for the answer that made me feel special. I was just curious because I honestly can say I am in foreign territory. I'm not saying that finding the right person can't happen twice in a life time, but I know its difficult just to find them once!!! Bruce responded with a "no," and he flipped the question back to me. I obviously said no and continued to explain that I have heard people say that it should be easy. I finally know what they have been talking about!!! We just work. The one think that is standing out the most to me is that I am not afraid to say anything to him!!! I even told him about this blog, which has been a subject that I would have never brought up with any of the past men. I just knew they couldn't handle it. Bruce didn't even blink. He stated that the only reason anyone would have a problem with it is if they knew their actions were questionable. He also agreed that I should publish it. I have tears of joy welling up in my eyes right now because I see what an amazing partner he is and could be! I have also heard that the person you are with should make you a better person. He makes me feel like there is nothing I can't overcome.
I get excited just knowing that I get to see him soon:) Wow...that is all I can say!!
xoxo
Kiki
I get excited just knowing that I get to see him soon:) Wow...that is all I can say!!
xoxo
Kiki
Monday, January 30, 2012
24 Hour First Date
Have you ever had a 24 hour first date that you spent about 20 of them talking?? This was the first thing of many that Bruce and I found to be abnormal. Not once in those 24 hours did I ever look at my watch. It just flowed...easy!
OK...back to the initial meeting. We met at a Coffee Bean since I am a Coffee Bean Slut:) I got there first, but as I was texting him, he texted that he was there. I was very nervous to lay eyes on him. His pictures were amazing. His emails were amazing. His phone conversation was amazing. I REALLY wanted him to match all of this in person, but statistically, the odds were against me. I don't think I mentioned that Bruce is black. I have had many dates with man from other races; this is not a problem with me!! However, I can't deny that my family would have to get use to this characteristic in my man if I ever got serious about one. I have no doubt that they would accept him if he was the right guy, but they might have to process it for a minute...if you know what I mean...any Midwest readers out there? I remember the feeling I got when I saw Bruce. I liked what I saw ALOT, but more importantly, I got this feeling of relief...calmness...at peace. From the very first moment, he made me feel at home with being beside him.
Bruce told me to "not even think about it" when I tried to get my wallet out to pay. This sounds so trivial, but all I want is someone to pay for the first meeting. After that, I'm completely fine with splitting it, but I still believe that the guy should handle the first date. Conversation was wonderful! He did ask plenty of questions, and I was worried that I wasn't asking enough. However, I really don't know how I could have gotten in any more if I tried:) I've noticed on many first dates that as I'm answering or asking questions, I'm wondering in my head how the guy is perceiving me. This time I was hoping he was liking what he was hearing. A thought I have never had before!
After about an hour, Bruce asked if I was hungry. With a smile on my face because I didn't want the date to end either, I said yes. Then, he said the most amazing thing..."how about In N Out." A man after my own heart!!! Honestly, I still didn't know if he was interested or if he was just hungry. It wasn't until he hip checked me at the register while we were ordering that I realized that he was flirting:) Bruce worked for his apartment complex, and he had to work later that evening, so he invited me back for a game of rummy. Rummy is the reason I responded to his email in the first place. Of course the situation I had with the guy that only had two mattresses ran through my mind. My gut told me that there was nothing to be afraid of...plus, I had already told Bruce that story in our phone conversation. I agreed, and we started walking back to our cars. This is when I noticed that he was a gentleman! He HAD to walk on the outside and open my car door for me (the first time of many).
The rest of the night was amazing! We played rummy, which I kicked his butt at!! I walked with him on his rounds. We ordered pizza. This whole time conversation was never at a stand still, and I never held back. I always said exactly what was on my mind and didn't think twice while doing it. Before I knew it, it was 4am, and my eyes were getting heavy. This is when Bruce did a very gutsy thing...he pulled his mattress out in the living room. He knew the mattress story, and he still brought it out. Plus, at this point, we hadn't touched. Even after that, I never felt like Bruce was going to try anything, and I was correct. He was a complete gentleman!! We ended up talking even more before we got a few hours sleep. When we woke up, he took me to breakfast. Throughout the meal, there were many comments made about the length of our "abnormal" first date:)
It was perfect! I wouldn't have changed anything about our first meeting! It was one of those times that you just can't stop thinking about the other person!! Its that feeling that we all wish for!!
Stay tuned!!!!
Kiki
OK...back to the initial meeting. We met at a Coffee Bean since I am a Coffee Bean Slut:) I got there first, but as I was texting him, he texted that he was there. I was very nervous to lay eyes on him. His pictures were amazing. His emails were amazing. His phone conversation was amazing. I REALLY wanted him to match all of this in person, but statistically, the odds were against me. I don't think I mentioned that Bruce is black. I have had many dates with man from other races; this is not a problem with me!! However, I can't deny that my family would have to get use to this characteristic in my man if I ever got serious about one. I have no doubt that they would accept him if he was the right guy, but they might have to process it for a minute...if you know what I mean...any Midwest readers out there? I remember the feeling I got when I saw Bruce. I liked what I saw ALOT, but more importantly, I got this feeling of relief...calmness...at peace. From the very first moment, he made me feel at home with being beside him.
Bruce told me to "not even think about it" when I tried to get my wallet out to pay. This sounds so trivial, but all I want is someone to pay for the first meeting. After that, I'm completely fine with splitting it, but I still believe that the guy should handle the first date. Conversation was wonderful! He did ask plenty of questions, and I was worried that I wasn't asking enough. However, I really don't know how I could have gotten in any more if I tried:) I've noticed on many first dates that as I'm answering or asking questions, I'm wondering in my head how the guy is perceiving me. This time I was hoping he was liking what he was hearing. A thought I have never had before!
After about an hour, Bruce asked if I was hungry. With a smile on my face because I didn't want the date to end either, I said yes. Then, he said the most amazing thing..."how about In N Out." A man after my own heart!!! Honestly, I still didn't know if he was interested or if he was just hungry. It wasn't until he hip checked me at the register while we were ordering that I realized that he was flirting:) Bruce worked for his apartment complex, and he had to work later that evening, so he invited me back for a game of rummy. Rummy is the reason I responded to his email in the first place. Of course the situation I had with the guy that only had two mattresses ran through my mind. My gut told me that there was nothing to be afraid of...plus, I had already told Bruce that story in our phone conversation. I agreed, and we started walking back to our cars. This is when I noticed that he was a gentleman! He HAD to walk on the outside and open my car door for me (the first time of many).
The rest of the night was amazing! We played rummy, which I kicked his butt at!! I walked with him on his rounds. We ordered pizza. This whole time conversation was never at a stand still, and I never held back. I always said exactly what was on my mind and didn't think twice while doing it. Before I knew it, it was 4am, and my eyes were getting heavy. This is when Bruce did a very gutsy thing...he pulled his mattress out in the living room. He knew the mattress story, and he still brought it out. Plus, at this point, we hadn't touched. Even after that, I never felt like Bruce was going to try anything, and I was correct. He was a complete gentleman!! We ended up talking even more before we got a few hours sleep. When we woke up, he took me to breakfast. Throughout the meal, there were many comments made about the length of our "abnormal" first date:)
It was perfect! I wouldn't have changed anything about our first meeting! It was one of those times that you just can't stop thinking about the other person!! Its that feeling that we all wish for!!
Stay tuned!!!!
Kiki
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Buying a New Car
About six months ago, I started my search for a new car. My first car was the first thing I ever bought with my own hard earned money, and she held a very special place in my heart. She wasn't the most fashionable vehicle, but she made me feel safe. Being a 1997 Chevy Lumina, she was referred to as a "grandma car" very often. As I started looking and researching, I realized that brand names or colors didn't matter to me. Of course money was a concern, but I know I would have figured out a payment plan on any kind of car. What I discovered was that I wanted my new vehicle to be unique!!! It had to stand apart from the average piece of metal on four wheels. I'm not talking about being the prettiest or coolest, but just having that little something that makes people want to know more. I came to the conclusion that this is what I want in my man!!!!!!!! I want them to be uniquely special in some way....any way!!!!
As I look back on the men that have made it past the first date, the only thing that stands out in my mind was the way they peaced out:) So...I decided to keep an open mind. I reactivated my profile on Plenty of Fish, and just started talking! I didn't look at distance, height, race, occupation, etc. Physical attraction still has to be there, so I looked at pictures and read profiles. One man started to jump off the screen. Bruce emailed me first with a subject line of "pick me." I went to his profile before reading his message. I remembered seeing Bruce's profile months before but never contacting him. He was VERY attractive...maybe to the point of being too good looking. Most man that look like that act a certain way, and I normally steer clear of them. However, I was keeping an open mind! There were multiple things in his profile that intrigued me. First, he quoted an animated film that I love, and asked to see if anyone could name it. Then, he stated that he enjoyed play Rummy and Speed. Growing up, I played Rummy every weekend with my grandparents! Finally, it stated that he didn't drink. I'm not going to lie; it would be wonderful if the man I was with knew how to function without alcohol! I messaged him back, and we started conversing. Soon after, we exchanged phone numbers. Of course texting came first and then a phone call. Through this week of initial conversation, I realized that he had dealt with alot of the same things regarding online dating. He asked several questions that hardly ever pop into my head. For example, are you married? My first response is "OF COURSE NOT." Then, I thought about it, and many people do online dating behind their spouse's back. Crazy, but true; I still can't wrap my brain around that idea!! Then there is the "you don't have kids?" for the third time. Bruce had to tell me a story about this lady that stated online that she had no kids, but then when he asked her in person, she said yes, a fifteen year old. Some girls might think Bruce was asking too many questions all at once. However, I took it as he had been burned before, and he didn't want to waste his time on people that didn't care to tell the truth about who they were! Plus, he didn't do it in an offensive way.
To say the very least, I wanted to learn more about this man! We did have some distance between us, but we planned on meeting in the middle. I have to admit that I can't even remember how many men are great on the phone and on screen, but don't even come close in person. Bruce was amazing on the screen and on the phone, so I was nervous as I was driving to meet him. I was prepping myself for the worst, so anything would feel like a success:)
Since this is the worst possible time to stop writing that is exactly what I am going to do;) Stay tuned to see if Bruce was just as great in person or not????
xoxo
Kiki
PS I bought a Nissan Cube!!
As I look back on the men that have made it past the first date, the only thing that stands out in my mind was the way they peaced out:) So...I decided to keep an open mind. I reactivated my profile on Plenty of Fish, and just started talking! I didn't look at distance, height, race, occupation, etc. Physical attraction still has to be there, so I looked at pictures and read profiles. One man started to jump off the screen. Bruce emailed me first with a subject line of "pick me." I went to his profile before reading his message. I remembered seeing Bruce's profile months before but never contacting him. He was VERY attractive...maybe to the point of being too good looking. Most man that look like that act a certain way, and I normally steer clear of them. However, I was keeping an open mind! There were multiple things in his profile that intrigued me. First, he quoted an animated film that I love, and asked to see if anyone could name it. Then, he stated that he enjoyed play Rummy and Speed. Growing up, I played Rummy every weekend with my grandparents! Finally, it stated that he didn't drink. I'm not going to lie; it would be wonderful if the man I was with knew how to function without alcohol! I messaged him back, and we started conversing. Soon after, we exchanged phone numbers. Of course texting came first and then a phone call. Through this week of initial conversation, I realized that he had dealt with alot of the same things regarding online dating. He asked several questions that hardly ever pop into my head. For example, are you married? My first response is "OF COURSE NOT." Then, I thought about it, and many people do online dating behind their spouse's back. Crazy, but true; I still can't wrap my brain around that idea!! Then there is the "you don't have kids?" for the third time. Bruce had to tell me a story about this lady that stated online that she had no kids, but then when he asked her in person, she said yes, a fifteen year old. Some girls might think Bruce was asking too many questions all at once. However, I took it as he had been burned before, and he didn't want to waste his time on people that didn't care to tell the truth about who they were! Plus, he didn't do it in an offensive way.
To say the very least, I wanted to learn more about this man! We did have some distance between us, but we planned on meeting in the middle. I have to admit that I can't even remember how many men are great on the phone and on screen, but don't even come close in person. Bruce was amazing on the screen and on the phone, so I was nervous as I was driving to meet him. I was prepping myself for the worst, so anything would feel like a success:)
Since this is the worst possible time to stop writing that is exactly what I am going to do;) Stay tuned to see if Bruce was just as great in person or not????
xoxo
Kiki
PS I bought a Nissan Cube!!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
I Named Him Dave
When I chose the name for this last guy, nothing was coming to mind, so I took the name of the man I lost my virginity to. When I think of the original Dave, I realize the whole situation was fucked up, but I don't regret a single thing! For some reason, I loved that man, and I know that he will always be there for me if I need him! However, I was always the "other" woman. Yes, I knew...and I let myself be runner up. At the time, I thought that one day he would see all the good in me. Young and foolish is all I can say. BUT, I don't feel anger towards him at all. I was thinking of these positive feeling when I named the new boy after him. Well, I guess the name is always going to have negative actions associated with it:(
Last night, I met Dave for coffee. A meeting that I really didn't think twice about. After about an hour of talking and me spilling my hot chocolate on him, he breaks the mood with "the reason why I wanted to meet you...." Before he could even get the sentence out, my brain was going a mile a minute. Yet another man in this town that is so good at taking and than walking away. Well, it turns out that he was on a "break" with his girlfriend when he met me, and now they are getting back together. The more I think about it, I realize that I would be completely fine with this if he didn't sleep with me. However, that action just made him a douche bag!!!!!!! The bottom line is if he is looking for things in me obviously he isn't satisfided with his girlfriend. I just hope that she fucked around on him too, or I just feel sooo sorry for that girl. A "break" to me means we need to work on ourselves not we need to go fuck anything in site! After Dave told me this very enlightening news, he followed it with "I never thought I could meet a girl like you out here....its hard out here." News flash buddy, you are the reason why its so hard. Guys like you that think they can just do whatever they want to whoever they want. Yeah I play off this tough girl image, but that shit hurts like hell! Then, he went on to tell me he didn't want me to waste my time. Wow...yes he really said that...basically, he meant he was a waste of time, and I guess I was right when I thought he was intelligent.
My attitude did a complete 180. First, I thanked him for actually being man enough to tell me to my face. However, I was also thinking that he was "man enough" to cheat as well. Then, I turned into the Kiki that just tells it like it is. I wish that Kiki could be present ALL the time! I told him he could read my blog now (because he asked about it earlier, and I wouldn't tell him anything about it). I explained what it was about and that he was in it. I told him that I pretty much pin pointed him. I mean the 4-5 days off were probably with her (it all is so clear now). Then, I just kept talking about how I viewed relationships and him for about 20 more minutes. I made a good point about how since his parents were divorced that is ok in his brain. Where mine have been married for 36 years, and those are the role models I look up to everyday of my life. He ended with he still wants to be friends and come see a show...blah blah blah. I finished my getting into my car and instantly deleting his number:)
I'm so glad I let myself simmer for over 24 hours. After I slept on it, I admitted that I had been over looking multiple things. First impressions are huge, and really shouldn't be over looked. The first think I thought when I saw him was "Armenian Douche Bag." Ok, so he isn't Armenian, but he does resemble one, and he dresses like them (sorry to stereotype). His appearance alone was not dad worthy. My dad would have taken one look at him, and disliked him instantly. Then, there was the slow "short bus" responses. There were so many conversations that I thought were one sided because it took him soooo long to reply verbally to me. He would always come back with a very in tune comment, but it seemed like his engine was firing, but not igniting. Which brings me to the last thing I was overlooking....POT. Yeah, he had told me that he had gotten high twice just in that short time we were conversing. Who knows how many times he actually smoked up??? I don't want someone that does any type of drug!! I know I just excluded about 95% of California's population, but that is what I want!
I know I have made this point before, but I'm going to do it again because I feel like it is very important. Women, if I man is making you cry (for any reason) within the first 4 months of dating, GET OUT!! If it is starting like that, how could anything good come from it? I give this advise so easy, but I still need to remind myself to live by it. Dave made me cry about three weeks into knowing him....RED FLAG! Another thing, if you have a pet, and they don't like your potential significant other, please take note! They can sense it!! My cat was never comfortable around Dave, and he would constantly be watching him. He knew the whole time that Dave was no good.
Well, I guess my no dating anyone from the bar is back into affect. Also, my two month rule is back on...so I am a born again virgin;) However, my new solo is going to rock because I have new material to tap into!! (There is always a positive.)
Well, I hope my hot chocolate didn't stain his Armenian clothes...haha!
On to the next one...
xoxo
Kiki
Last night, I met Dave for coffee. A meeting that I really didn't think twice about. After about an hour of talking and me spilling my hot chocolate on him, he breaks the mood with "the reason why I wanted to meet you...." Before he could even get the sentence out, my brain was going a mile a minute. Yet another man in this town that is so good at taking and than walking away. Well, it turns out that he was on a "break" with his girlfriend when he met me, and now they are getting back together. The more I think about it, I realize that I would be completely fine with this if he didn't sleep with me. However, that action just made him a douche bag!!!!!!! The bottom line is if he is looking for things in me obviously he isn't satisfided with his girlfriend. I just hope that she fucked around on him too, or I just feel sooo sorry for that girl. A "break" to me means we need to work on ourselves not we need to go fuck anything in site! After Dave told me this very enlightening news, he followed it with "I never thought I could meet a girl like you out here....its hard out here." News flash buddy, you are the reason why its so hard. Guys like you that think they can just do whatever they want to whoever they want. Yeah I play off this tough girl image, but that shit hurts like hell! Then, he went on to tell me he didn't want me to waste my time. Wow...yes he really said that...basically, he meant he was a waste of time, and I guess I was right when I thought he was intelligent.
My attitude did a complete 180. First, I thanked him for actually being man enough to tell me to my face. However, I was also thinking that he was "man enough" to cheat as well. Then, I turned into the Kiki that just tells it like it is. I wish that Kiki could be present ALL the time! I told him he could read my blog now (because he asked about it earlier, and I wouldn't tell him anything about it). I explained what it was about and that he was in it. I told him that I pretty much pin pointed him. I mean the 4-5 days off were probably with her (it all is so clear now). Then, I just kept talking about how I viewed relationships and him for about 20 more minutes. I made a good point about how since his parents were divorced that is ok in his brain. Where mine have been married for 36 years, and those are the role models I look up to everyday of my life. He ended with he still wants to be friends and come see a show...blah blah blah. I finished my getting into my car and instantly deleting his number:)
I'm so glad I let myself simmer for over 24 hours. After I slept on it, I admitted that I had been over looking multiple things. First impressions are huge, and really shouldn't be over looked. The first think I thought when I saw him was "Armenian Douche Bag." Ok, so he isn't Armenian, but he does resemble one, and he dresses like them (sorry to stereotype). His appearance alone was not dad worthy. My dad would have taken one look at him, and disliked him instantly. Then, there was the slow "short bus" responses. There were so many conversations that I thought were one sided because it took him soooo long to reply verbally to me. He would always come back with a very in tune comment, but it seemed like his engine was firing, but not igniting. Which brings me to the last thing I was overlooking....POT. Yeah, he had told me that he had gotten high twice just in that short time we were conversing. Who knows how many times he actually smoked up??? I don't want someone that does any type of drug!! I know I just excluded about 95% of California's population, but that is what I want!
I know I have made this point before, but I'm going to do it again because I feel like it is very important. Women, if I man is making you cry (for any reason) within the first 4 months of dating, GET OUT!! If it is starting like that, how could anything good come from it? I give this advise so easy, but I still need to remind myself to live by it. Dave made me cry about three weeks into knowing him....RED FLAG! Another thing, if you have a pet, and they don't like your potential significant other, please take note! They can sense it!! My cat was never comfortable around Dave, and he would constantly be watching him. He knew the whole time that Dave was no good.
Well, I guess my no dating anyone from the bar is back into affect. Also, my two month rule is back on...so I am a born again virgin;) However, my new solo is going to rock because I have new material to tap into!! (There is always a positive.)
Well, I hope my hot chocolate didn't stain his Armenian clothes...haha!
On to the next one...
xoxo
Kiki
Sunday, November 27, 2011
My Mistake :(
I have been looking at my computer for about a week now trying to write this. I have always prided myself in telling my readers the honest truth about my personal life. The way I am feeling, the men I meet, my actions...everything. However, this time I didn't really want to tell the world what I decided to let happen. I'm not ashamed of it, but I do believe it won't help in obtaining my ultimate goal...someone to share my life with.
After our second date, I couldn't get Dave off my mind. The very next night I let him come over to my place. One thing led to another, which we both knew would happen. It was wonderful, and he was a complete gentleman. Now, normally this is when men peace out on me, but Dave and I talked every day for the next week. Things were going so well that I invited him to my show. Up to an hour before the show all signs pointed to him actually showing up, which was such a BIG deal to me. Then, about an hour before the show he texted to tell me he was meeting up with a friend instead and wished me good luck. I keep saying that this is all I need. I man that just tells me he isn't coming instead of the no call, no text, no show men that I'm used to. I realized that night that I want more! My dancing is my biggest passion I have, and when someone I truly care about doesn't feel the need to be present, it really hurts me!! Also, I realized that night that he got what he wanted. And I let him have it...my mistake. I think I need to put my two month rule back into affect! I figure that if I man sticks around for two months, he wants more than to just get into your pants.
Dave is the kind of man that is present for a couple days and then vanishes for 4-5 days. A quality that I hate!! The last time we talked he listed my qualities with patient being at the top of the list. I understand that he is dealing with a lot. I mean his mom pasted away, he is trying to get his foot in the door of a new career, and then me. However, I want more and my patience is running out!! I deserve more than what he is giving me, and I take full blame for letting him act like this. MY MISTAKE!
A couple good things have come out of this though. I finally admitted to myself that I like Dave. Its been a long time since I have fully admitted that to myself (or others). I'm afraid of liking someone. In my mind if I like someone, that shows weakness. They hold the power. That is not how it has to be!!!!! I have the power because I have the ability to give them parts of me that so few people have experienced. Plus, me liking someone is so rare because I am sooo picky! I should embrace when it happens even if the object of my affection doesn't feel the same way. It means I can still feel that way because sometimes I'm not sure if I can!
Today I was working on my new solo, which is about cheating. I was thinking back to when Ben cheated on me, and how I felt. I was trying to tap into those emotions to bring it out in my movement. As I was thinking back, I remembered my heart dropping to my feet when he told me. Then, I walked away with my body numb and went on with my day. For days, I would just sit and stare and think. Even when Ben would try and discuss it with me, I just would sit and listen to him. All the fight was out of me. I was so tired of fighting...I had given up. I NEVER want to feel that way again!!! The truth is that every relationship comes with the chance of hurt, tears, and pain. But it also comes with love, laughter, and joy. Its up to me to figure out how to balance them. GREAT LOVE TAKES GREAT RISK!!
There I did...I feel good!
xoxo
Kiki
After our second date, I couldn't get Dave off my mind. The very next night I let him come over to my place. One thing led to another, which we both knew would happen. It was wonderful, and he was a complete gentleman. Now, normally this is when men peace out on me, but Dave and I talked every day for the next week. Things were going so well that I invited him to my show. Up to an hour before the show all signs pointed to him actually showing up, which was such a BIG deal to me. Then, about an hour before the show he texted to tell me he was meeting up with a friend instead and wished me good luck. I keep saying that this is all I need. I man that just tells me he isn't coming instead of the no call, no text, no show men that I'm used to. I realized that night that I want more! My dancing is my biggest passion I have, and when someone I truly care about doesn't feel the need to be present, it really hurts me!! Also, I realized that night that he got what he wanted. And I let him have it...my mistake. I think I need to put my two month rule back into affect! I figure that if I man sticks around for two months, he wants more than to just get into your pants.
Dave is the kind of man that is present for a couple days and then vanishes for 4-5 days. A quality that I hate!! The last time we talked he listed my qualities with patient being at the top of the list. I understand that he is dealing with a lot. I mean his mom pasted away, he is trying to get his foot in the door of a new career, and then me. However, I want more and my patience is running out!! I deserve more than what he is giving me, and I take full blame for letting him act like this. MY MISTAKE!
A couple good things have come out of this though. I finally admitted to myself that I like Dave. Its been a long time since I have fully admitted that to myself (or others). I'm afraid of liking someone. In my mind if I like someone, that shows weakness. They hold the power. That is not how it has to be!!!!! I have the power because I have the ability to give them parts of me that so few people have experienced. Plus, me liking someone is so rare because I am sooo picky! I should embrace when it happens even if the object of my affection doesn't feel the same way. It means I can still feel that way because sometimes I'm not sure if I can!
Today I was working on my new solo, which is about cheating. I was thinking back to when Ben cheated on me, and how I felt. I was trying to tap into those emotions to bring it out in my movement. As I was thinking back, I remembered my heart dropping to my feet when he told me. Then, I walked away with my body numb and went on with my day. For days, I would just sit and stare and think. Even when Ben would try and discuss it with me, I just would sit and listen to him. All the fight was out of me. I was so tired of fighting...I had given up. I NEVER want to feel that way again!!! The truth is that every relationship comes with the chance of hurt, tears, and pain. But it also comes with love, laughter, and joy. Its up to me to figure out how to balance them. GREAT LOVE TAKES GREAT RISK!!
There I did...I feel good!
xoxo
Kiki
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
A Real First Date
So the man that actually tried and gave me his number at the bar, took me on a "real" first date. Lets call this gentleman Dave. The next day I text Dave at the number he gave me, and we ended up meeting for sushi that same night. As I was walking to meet him, I realized that it had been a very long time since I didn't know the specs on the man that I was going to be sitting across from me. I didn't know his height, if he smoked, if he wanted kids, how old he was...nothing. I was going in blind. The only thing I knew was his name and that he lived in the area.
The evening turned out to be wonderful. The conversation was easy and it just felt comfortable. We talked about family a lot, which made him even more attractive to me. However, even after this date, I couldn't pin point how old Dave was. At moments, he seemed very mature and experienced in life. Yet at other moments he seemed to be a typical guy in his 20s. When the date was done, we talked about meeting up again and walked our separate ways. I can tell how good a date is by the way I act right after it. I was beaming the entire night!!!
Then, one day past...then two...then three, and still no word from Dave. I was really stumped because I know a good first date when I have one, and this went excellent. So, on day four, I text to thank him for a great time. He responded with a "my pleasure" and to tell me that his mom past away:( Let me tell you how many times things like that go through women's heads when a guy isn't calling them...hahaha. Dave was super sweet and made sure I knew he was going to back in town the next week. During this week, we stayed in contact. I checked up on him, and he asked how things were back here. Not too much, but enough to know we both were thinking of each other.
When Dave got back into town after about two weeks of being gone, we made plans for a second date. I might add that he didn't go out with his buddies to hang out with me. (a couple extra stars) He picked me up at 7pm. I haven't been picked up at 7pm for a date in...well I can't remember!! We went to dinner, then we had a drink. All of the conversation was amazing! He was very open about is mom and the last two weeks. Then, he took me to see "Puss in Boots!" He laughed the entire time, and I loved it!! We ended the night over a final drink and more good conversation. He drove me home, gave me a kiss good night, and drove away. It was a perfect night!!
Everything up until here was perfect...then I made a mistake:(
Stay tuned...
xoxo
Kiki
The evening turned out to be wonderful. The conversation was easy and it just felt comfortable. We talked about family a lot, which made him even more attractive to me. However, even after this date, I couldn't pin point how old Dave was. At moments, he seemed very mature and experienced in life. Yet at other moments he seemed to be a typical guy in his 20s. When the date was done, we talked about meeting up again and walked our separate ways. I can tell how good a date is by the way I act right after it. I was beaming the entire night!!!
Then, one day past...then two...then three, and still no word from Dave. I was really stumped because I know a good first date when I have one, and this went excellent. So, on day four, I text to thank him for a great time. He responded with a "my pleasure" and to tell me that his mom past away:( Let me tell you how many times things like that go through women's heads when a guy isn't calling them...hahaha. Dave was super sweet and made sure I knew he was going to back in town the next week. During this week, we stayed in contact. I checked up on him, and he asked how things were back here. Not too much, but enough to know we both were thinking of each other.
When Dave got back into town after about two weeks of being gone, we made plans for a second date. I might add that he didn't go out with his buddies to hang out with me. (a couple extra stars) He picked me up at 7pm. I haven't been picked up at 7pm for a date in...well I can't remember!! We went to dinner, then we had a drink. All of the conversation was amazing! He was very open about is mom and the last two weeks. Then, he took me to see "Puss in Boots!" He laughed the entire time, and I loved it!! We ended the night over a final drink and more good conversation. He drove me home, gave me a kiss good night, and drove away. It was a perfect night!!
Everything up until here was perfect...then I made a mistake:(
Stay tuned...
xoxo
Kiki
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